Trying it one more time...

I wrote such a dull post last night, that I feel that I have to give it another shot and try to improve on it with another post. I don't know yet if this one is going to turn out any better, but I'm going to make a sincere attempt. I can always delete it if it turns into nothing at all, said I, the wisest woman on the block. Ahem...

First I had to make myself a decent pot of coffee instead of drinking a cup of this heated up old coffee that wasn't doing a thing for me. I do need a sufficient supply of mind strengthening beverages when I want to blog well. This task is not to be taken on lightly. I do realize the seriousness of the attempt.

It's best to go on automatic pilot and to write without giving it too much thought. I can edit later. I will rely on my stream of consciousness. Of course, I'm assuming I'm in the possession of such a gift. I must not be waylaid by such concerns and pretend that I am. I possess a huge amount of consciousness and will now put it to work for me, come hell or high water.

Of course, the minute I try, I become stuck for words showing all my inhibitions. I'm a mere human being after all. I used to think I had great meditative qualities and that I could subconsciously make my mind do whatever I pleased. I wanted to reach nirvana and be one with the greater secret of the universe. I never did achieve that state but I had fun trying. 

Now I don't seriously meditate anymore, except that I regularly contemplate my navel while seated in my armchair. I no longer try to reach that blissful state of heavenly existence. That to me is too much like being in a hypo-manic condition. I avoid that if at all possible. I don't want to feel detached from the earth and take on wings. I need to be very much grounded. I would be a fool to attempt bliss. 

Being grounded in reality is my ultimate goal and where I feel most comfortable. That way I can't pull the wool over my own eyes. I always have to face up to the way things really are. Or at least my own perception of them in as straight a manner as I can think about them. Although I am steeped in realism, I do think I sometimes look at the world through rose colored glasses, but who doesn't? 

You'd have to be a fool not to because it would break your heart to look at it any other way all the time. I can't be that callous and continue to live comfortably with myself. You must be allowed to escape from the harsh reality of life. We all do that each in our own way. 

Basically I'm an optimist who sees the glass half full but sometimes even I have my doubts about that. I tend to find the cause of that altered point of view in my own personal make up but isn't it equally likely that it comes from outside causes? How much does environment play a role in how we perceive the world and ourselves?

I did not mean for this to turn into such a philosophical post, but that's what you get when you let your stream of consciousness take over. I'm always very much aware of the insignificant role I play in this world and my large thoughts about it. Under different circumstances I could have played a more influential role, but fate did not decree that. 

I've had my cups of coffee and am fully awakened. Now it is my job to get tired again for a little while because I have to sleep for a few more hours. I will have to drink a glass of warm milk. That usually does the job. The domestic help is coming this morning and I do have to be up on time to let her in. That means I have to be dressed on time too.

Thank good it's Friday again. It will blissfully be the weekend. I say that as if it matters all that much. My weekdays are not bad anymore and I have no real reason to look forward to the weekend so much. It's just the idea of it and the potential freedom. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora