It's early in the evening and I've just made myself some coffee. I hope that the caffeine will put me in a cheerful mood because I need some cheering up.
I've come to realize this afternoon that my therapist may not at all be the right person for me and my ego and this realization does require some thought. I always come away from an appointment with her less of a person than I was and with my ego somewhat shattered. Consequently, I have to spend some time building myself back up again and regaining my self confidence. I'm sure this is not the purpose of an appointment with your therapist.
I just sent her an email saying as much and that we should have a talk about this. Possibly she is just the wrong person for me and our therapeutic relationship is not going to work out. I thought it was because I was doing something wrong at first, but now I know the problem does not lie with me. Her approach is just not right for me. It undermines my self esteem and I have to be very strong not to suffer the consequences of it. I do want my ego to stay intact and for it not to be broken down each time. I do want to keep some amount of belief in myself.
I must not really let this spoil my mood, but it did give me cause to think a little and feel irritated. I guess that's the main feeling I have because I have time and energy invested in this relationship and I do not like for it not to work out. I will very gladly go to another therapist. That's not a problem..I need someone wiser than me to talk to and help me figure out life. I'm sure there are other people around who can help me do that. I have not yet built up the kind of loyalty with my therapist that would make it very difficult for me to leave her.
I will be an optimist and assume the problem will be sorted out one way or the other like these things always do. I must keep seeing the glass half full. I suppose the most important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Well, I've started that process now.
On another note, today the weather was nice for a change. The temperature was pleasant and it didn't rain. It was almost a miracle. It's supposed to rain like crazy tonight, but that's okay because I will be in bed.
I hope you're all having a good evening.
Ciao,
Irene
