I thought I had slept for a long time when Tyke woke me up, but it turned out to only have been a nap once I could figure out what the real time was on the alarm clock. I was very disappointed, but the worst thing was that I was very discombobulated and could not get my head straightened out. I felt awful and was filled with all sorts of negative feelings that bore down on me heavily and I wanted to be dead for the first half hour that I was up.
Luckily, I had made coffee and drank a couple of cups of it and after a while the caffeine started to work. Now I am not suicidal anymore, although I am not quite back to normal yet, but who's to say what is normal? Let's just say that my thoughts are not so odd that I am doubting my sanity. Maybe it's because I am in temporary fear of losing my sanity that I want to be dead. Having seen my father go mad, it must be something that I am very much afraid of. How is that for a bit of analytical thinking?
I had been having hot flashes while I slept and am having them again now. I am continually taking off my bathrobe and putting it back on again. I have an appointment with the female GP next week to find out if anything can be done for them. I looked them up on the internet, but found no solution. I think it's awfully late in my life for me to be having them and that is why I am going for advice. I really hope I will be given a hormone treatment like I did when I was in my 40's, but I doubt that I will. I think hot flashes in themselves are not enough of a problem for that.
After putting it off for a week, I finally got my paperwork done and visited my online bank account. I had much unopened mail and had become more averse to opening it the longer I put it off. I did that yesterday morning after giving myself a good internal talking to. There are two hitches in the system that I need to take care of in the morning and one of them may take a bit of effort to solve, but I have no doubt that I will. I am after all an optimist when it comes down to it and I do have to keep that in mind.
Speaking of optimism, I assume that I will sleep through the night and wake up to the sound of birds chirping in the morning. They start as early as 4 am and that is way before the sun comes up. I suppose you could say that birds are optimists also.
2 comments:
Sorry to hear that you've been really going through it!
I'm sure you won't go mad. You seem to have insight to situations even when you feel ill.
Hang in there, friend.
Today, in England, it is the first day of Spring but it has gone very cold but we're nearly there, aren't we?
Do you feel better as the weather improves?
Maggie x
Nuts in May
rosie has been barking at night lately, for reasons we do not undrestand. we are probably going to have to put blinds on the front windows, which is too bad--we love the light---but she lies on top of the back couch cushions and stares out the window, and when a car drives by, or a person passes, BARKBARK BARK BARK BARK.
we do not sleep well.
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