I read on Facebook that someone was insecure about if they had done a good job raising their kids and I thought that sounded just like me because I am insecure about that too. This person wanted to be reassured by her kids that she had, but of course you can't expect such a thing. Out of kindness, your kids are never going to tell you the truth that yes, you have screwed up here and there because which parent hasn't.
I have probably done some major screwing up, but I could only ask one of my children if I dared because the other one has died ten years ago. I am smart enough not to do that because I don't want to put her in the uncomfortable position of having to give a diplomatic answer. Or worse, having her be brutal and telling me the truth that I would subsequently have to deal with.
I think I have not forgiven my mother for being an imperfect parent and therefor do not expect to be forgiven myself. It would be good if I got around to forgiving her, but I have not yet been able to and I don't know if I ever will. The wounds go deep and I don't know if I am even to the point that I can say there is scar tissue. I realize just now that this is something I may need to work on with my therapist. It is definitely an unresolved issue.
I hope whatever issues my daughter has with me will also be resolved and that she won't harbor a grudge. I have no idea with what sort of feelings about me she walks around with and I can only have my suspicions. I hope she takes care of whatever wounds I have inflicted on her and that a healing process can take place. She is a tough cookie, but I hope she takes proper emotional care.
It has taken me a long time to heal emotionally as well as I have so far, and I am not done yet. I have learned to deal with the things I have not closely examined yet, but I know some of them need to be looked at closer. I am in denial about some issues that I don't have quite the right explanation for. They would not hold up under close scrutiny anyway. Not all of my reasoning makes sense and would fail in a court of law. I should be glad that I don't have to take an oath.
2 comments:
I keep thinking, as I read this, about standards of measurements. I.E. Whose?
I am imperfect. Most parents are. We do the best with what we have. My parents weren't perfect either.
I have trouble, just like you, in assessing my own parenting. I wish there were classes in it before we begin.
Failing that, just love the kids.
Till death do us part :)
XO
WWW
I can't think of a family that isn't scarred in some way or another. Seems that we humans are far from perfect..... even ones that seem the most stable. We can never see what goes on in another family and people tell me all sorts of ways that they have fallen short.
I am very aware of the way I've been wrong in my own child rearing from time to time and the way I'm still affected by my own upbringing. It's different things for different people. I shouldn't be too hard on yourself.
Maggie x
Nuts in May
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