It happened again.

I was hypomanic again and it wasn't until these last couple of days that I realized I had been. I was it for quite some time, but I can't look back and say, "that's when it started." I slowly stopped being it and yesterday it really dawned on me that I had been hypomanic and making all sorts of decisions while is was in that state. It was only a week or so ago that my psychiatrist asked me if I was and I answered him sincerely that I was not, because when I am hypomanic, I have no idea that I am. I am the last person you should ask that question of and rather base your answer on the observations you make yourself. I think he must have had a suspicion that I was.

 

My personal helper, who I see every Monday, told me yesterday that she thought that I had been, but that she had not confronted me with it, because she thought that I would have gotten angry with her. She had also wanted to call my psychiatrist, but did not for the same reason. I told her yesterday that she absolutely had my permission to and that I thought it was very important that she does, because she is a keen and frequent observer of my moods and behavior. If anyone can tell things are not 'normal,' than she can.

 

I think I get hypomanic about 4 or 5 times a year and I am it for weeks or months at the time. Like I said, I don't know that I am until I stop being it, and then it is too late to undo whatever damage I have done in that stage. All I can do, is return to my 'normal' life and hope that I stayed within the law and did not hurt anybody else too much. I think I put my foot in my mouth many times when I am hypomanic and end up hurting the people I love most. I won't give you a litany of my 'crimes,' but it is an embarrassment as usual. One or two of them you may even be able to figure out for yourselves.

 

I am going to my first (in a long time) yoga class today and my daughter sent me the money through Pay Pal to buy a yoga mat. I think I can get one at the sporting goods store that is just a block from here, so I will go there this week. I want to make sure first that I really want to join the yoga class after trying it once. It's possible that with my stiff and sore body it will turn out to be a disaster, but I must look at it optimistically and assume it will be the perfect exercise for me. My daughter told me that with my physical limitations, and my hypomania, yoga should be the perfect sport for my body and mind.

 

For her daytime job, my daughter is an attorney, but in her spare time, she teaches yoga and she is very good at it and has built up quite a reputation. She can do the most difficult positions that I as a older, inexperienced person could only dream of. I tried to follow one of her classes once and it was very tough and nearly impossible for me to do. That's why I only tried it once.

 

I just had to take another anti-inflammatory pill and a paracetamol, but I looked at the clock and saw it was past the time to. The system does work and the pills do work about 12 hours. It is a good thing that some things are so reliable. I do need every bit of predictability in my life.