Morning time.

I haven't done much this morning yet. Walked the dog, done the dishes, picked up the apartment a bit, ordered new and better dog and cat food on line, because the animals are terribly unhappy with what I've got for them now and I will donate what is left to the animal shelter. It so sad to see them circle their dishes and take a half hearted bite and then walk away again. The cats are getting Gourmet and the Überhund is getting Frolic and I am pretty sure that these will be the right choices, especially since he has had Frolic before and liked it. Personally, I go by the smell of the food and if it smells good to me and I am tempted to take a bite myself, I figure the animals must like it too.

I've had a very good sleep on the sofa last night, after the Überhund and I ate what was left in the small peanut butter jar with a teaspoon. It was mighty tasty and we had a real feast. I love the way he tries to eat of the spoon like a human does. Since I don't eat bread anymore, I thought we'd finish the peanut butter this way. It was an ingenious thought.

My SPN just called and we had a long talk and in talking with me she became worried about depersonalization and me losing contact with reality and possibly becoming psychotic, so we have raised my dose of Risperdal. I do feel a disconnectednes from the world and I still feel as if time is slipping me by and I am passively watching it happen. I suppose writing these posts is a way of staying connected to all of you.

It is very important that I keep a schedule in my day and there is no better way than taking the Überhund for walks regularly. I am glad to have him to force me to have the responsibility on a daily basis. It's good to be responsible for something other than myself, because I could easily let myself go. Sit around all day in my bathrobe without my hair combed and my make up done.

Writing wears me out. I am going to do some laundry. Dry the dishes and put them away. Have a cup of coffee. Breathe deeply.

Ciao...

Melancholy Baby.

I am not going to wait with writing this post until late tonight like I did last night. I ended up going to bed too late, although I suppose it didn't really matter, because I could sleep late this morning, but the poor Überhund did have to wait long for his morning walk and his bladder was about to burst.

I am in an odd frame of mind which I will call disconnectedness or absentmindedness. Somehow the minutes and the hours tick away without me really being aware of them and I sit behind the computer and play without a mind to anything of importance that I might be doing, such as checking my google reader, or my Facebook or my page on six sentences or Hyves. I even forget to check my emails. I just sit and play as if there are not a hundred other things I could be doing and I am like a person in a bubble and what is outside my bubble, doesn't exist.

I am going to let it be so, it is like floating in a semi dark sea that is warm and comfortable and fairly silent and nothing complicated happens there. The cats and the dog are with me, that is all. I suppose it is an inter fall between moods, like I have taken shelter in a monastery and I have taken the vow of silence. I am wrapped in a cloak of comfort and solitude. The world does not exist and even if I have to go out in it, it only exists in my peripheries.

I contemplate nothing, I am as shallow as an undeep rain puddle. There are no deep depths. and undertows. There are no underwater caverns to discover. There is only an absentminded me on the surface who forgets to pay attention to what goes on around her. I rely on the dog to sound the alert if there is danger.

I suppose I am disassociating a bit, but there is no harm in it. I still have both my feet on the ground and I am not floating off to never never land. I have a great desire to go to the store to buy something excellent to eat and be completely absorbed by the food and tune out all that is around me for half an hour. I have to comb my hair and fix my face and walk the dog. I have to somehow become a little bit more operative, yet stay disconnected.

So, forgive me this short post while I try to figure out what I am capable off.

Ciao...