The sun also rises eventually...

We had a bright red sunset yesterday evening, but I have forgotten if that means that we are going to have a beautiful day today. I always get that mixed up with a red sunrise and I know one of them means that it will rain. I forgot to listen to the weather forecast and now I am completely in the dark about what sort of weather we will have today, so I am going to have to listen to the radio in a little while. My fingers are swollen up from my fibromyalgia, but that does not necessarily mean it is going to rain. I would probably have more aches and pains if it were, like I did yesterday and the day before that. I am like a barometer that way and very predictable.

 

Since I am so calm and reflective nowadays, I have no butterflies fluttering around in my stomach in the morning about what the day will bring. I used to get excited just about the fact that the sun was about to rise and that a whole day laid ahead of me with all of its possibilities and feel like a kid on her birthday. That feeling is tempered by a more realistic outlook, although I still look forward to each new day. I just keep my head about me now.

 

I think a lot of my hypomania was induced by too big a dose of anti-depressants, but I may be proved wrong in the near future and come down with another bout of it. It seems impossible now, but I suppose I can expect anything and I should never say never. Feeling so serene now, it is like I can never be any other way than this and that I can never be anything other than this sensible and wise, because surely I am all grown up and mature now. It would be a crime if this state of mind were to be taken away from me and I should find myself in another unstable one. If there is anything I can do about it, I must try my best to prevent that other state of mind from happening.

 

I do have to say that, even though my psychiatrist is for taking the least amount of medicines necessary, it is always I who take the initiative to take less. I do go about it a bit more drastic than he would like me to and sometimes reduce them a little bit too much and have to increase them a bit again, but I always end up taking less than I did before. In this way, I have quit medication and reduced it and it has always turned out for the best. I think I instinctively know that I should do this, although things don't always work out as perfectly as I had planned them initially. In the end, it turns out that I am the winner.

 

I have to decide if I am going back to bed for another hour or so of sleep, or if I am up for the morning now. I feel wide awake, but that could change after I have had my breakfast. It does have the tendency to make me feel a bit sleepy.

 

I wish you all a great Sunday.