When I came back after having taken Tyke for a walk after dinner, I was simply floored and couldn't wait to go to sleep. I realized that a week of intense friendship with a manic person had taken a toll on me and that I needed to recuperate. Exhaustion is a sign not to be ignored and I will have to pay attention to it this coming week when I continue in my role as good friend and confident. I must not give away too much of myself and remember to save enough energy for me.
I also realized that I should not have increased my antidepressives, even if it was by such a small amount, and I am going to stop that starting tomorrow. I see now that the way I was before the increase, I was better able to cope with whatever life had in store for me because I was much more stable. In fact, I was as solid as a rock and there is a lot to be said for that. I may have been a bit boring, but at least I was dependable.
Maybe that is what my role is in life. To be a dependable friend. Someone other people can count on, but having said that, someone I can count on myself too. I knew there was a lesson to be learned in all of this. I just didn't know yet what it was, but here it is. I have a feeling that it is not the only one either. I am sure there are several others that are worth my while. Everybody is a teacher, after all, and I am sure that my manic friend is also.
This goes to prove yet again that there is always a reason why things happen and that it seems that fate determines them.
2 comments:
I'm glad you have a new friend...but be careful that you don't become an enabler of her bipolarity. You're not her shrink. Just to play devil's advocate here, she might be someone who needs to be rescued, and you might have fallen into that role. Don't take her issues on, they're not yours even though you can empathize because of your own condition. Being a victim and needing a friend to take care of her might be part of her racket. As being an enabler and taking care of someone else might be part of yours. I would talk to my psychiatrist about this if I were you.
Hope you have a good week -- and please, take care of YOURSELF first.
xoxo
Be careful that you don't get dragged into illness yourself because of a friend's. Sometimes you have to step back!
Hoping that you are enjoying brighter weather as we are. Don't you think that helps?
Maggie x
Nuts in May
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