Curtailed by reality.

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.

- Henry David Thoreau 

I wonder if it is a good thing to base your thoughts on a quote and if it is not better to read the whole paragraph it came from, or better yet, the whole essay. I suppose we are lazy people and only want to hear the message that we think is implied with it to confirm our own preconceived ideas. It is easy to say, go live the life you imagined, but there are certain restrictions to that, and you can not always do exactly as you please. Sometimes you have to imagine your life just a little bit differently. 

I have let go of the past and I am going into the future,  but I am not going confidently in the direction of my dreams. Not all my dreams are realistic in nature and I have to adjust some of them in size and eliminate others all together. Not everything I am capable of imagining is also achievable. If, as a self sufficient, independently functioning person, I want to make my way in this world, I do have to have realistic expectations. There is a limit to what I, as a single, middle aged woman, can achieve. The sky is not the limit. The limits are much closer than that.

I suppose I am coming to grips with my own human frailties and the consequences of that. I am, after all, a person in many shades of gray and not permanently colored in one shade of righteousness. I have my successes and my failures and for the failures I pay a price that sometimes takes a long time to pay off. The successes make me bold and keep my head up so as to not give up my courage. I do not have an endless supply of that, but do find enough of it if I am able to regroup on a regular basis. It renews itself after a period of introspection. 

I have hit a wall and the hard bang on my head has shook me awake and made me come to my senses, which was very necessary. I was on a collision course and a worse accident could have happened. I do not even know now if the damage was all that restricted. Time will tell. Sometimes you need to be scared silly so you will be shook awake and you are again reminded that there is a reason for everything. You must draw a lesson out of everything that happens to you, that is the least you can do.