An odd day...

The first thing I did yesterday morning after walking Tyke, was go to the grocery store to frugally do the week's shopping. I had very carefully made a shopping list that covered all the week's meals that would be nutritious but not too expensive. It included buying fresh vegetables which I am trying to eat every day.

 

When I got to the check out stand, and had to pay for the groceries, it turned out that I had spent exactly the week's budget with not a dime to spare. Talk about living on the edge.  I am actually trying to spend less than that so I can give myself a little room in case of the unexpected. Next week I am going to shop at the grocery store that is supposed to be cheaper, although it is farther away from my apartment.

 

I think my knee is in good enough shape to venture a larger distance from home as long as I don't go up any inclines, and I will plan my route accordingly. When I have done the shopping for one week, I have both carrier bags filled along with two shopping bags that I hang on my handlebars. That means I am perfectly balanced and can make the ride home easily. It shouldn't be too bad to have to go a little bit farther. Besides, it's amazing what you can do when forced by the circumstances.

 

I was unable to buy the authorized trash bags and the postage stamps that I am almost out of. I am borrowing two trash bags from the Exfactor until I can buy some myself and hope I won't yet need the stamps.

 

I spent the day doing the odd chore and taking care of some paperwork. The thing is, though, that I felt uneasy the whole time as if I didn't have things quite under control. I think it is the worry about my finances that upset me, but I also think that I worry about them too much. The feeling didn't leave me until after I had walked Tyke in the evening and I had a real sense that the weekend had started. I really do feel like I have those two days off when I don't have to worry so much and can relax a bit.

 

I don't know what happened to living 'in the moment' which I seemed to make an effort to do in the near past, but I don't seem to do much of it lately. I am constantly keeping my mind occupied with either the computer, or the sound of the radio, or the images on the television. I very seldom have everything turned off just to enjoy the silence and the solitude of my own company. I sure don't stare off into the middle distance much anymore.

 

I do very much keep up to date on what is going on in the world and am immediately informed of the latest news and worldwide opinions. At least I feel that I can form a realistic point of view about things. I am glad that I am a European and that I get my information from a number of different sources and not just my own country's news broadcast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

And that is the truth...

My grandson played his first volleyball game of the season yesterday and his team won. He is quite an athlete like his mother was when she was in high school, and he plays soccer as well and is on the cross country team. I think this is wonderful, because what is better for a growing young man then participating in sports after school and on the weekends? It's just a shame that he lives so far away that I can't be in the bleachers when he plays to cheer him on, but I do get to see the photos of him participating and get a taste of it that way. Needless to say, I am very proud.

 

I first met my grandson when he was a year and a half old and he was quite an alert little boy who I had to walk around the neighborhood in his stroller to get him sleepy enough for his afternoon nap. Even at that age, he already loved kicking around the ball in the backyard. I do remember him, one afternoon, being so tired from that, that he fell asleep in my arms on the sofa and me not wanting to move for fear of waking him up, so I sat like that for the longest time.

 

He thought there were monsters in the closet and instead of trying to convince him there were not, I told him to take the broom and chase them away. I thought it was better to make him believe he had some power over them, rather than make him think he was helpless. That did help.

 

He will be the only grandchild I will ever have, so he is very precious indeed, although I am sure that those of you with multiple grandchildren think that way about each and every one of them. My son did not have any children and in many ways I think that was a relief, because it would have been tough to think that a child would be left without a father. My father played a big role in my life and it would have been a loss to have done without him. I am sure that the fact that I was my father's favorite child does play a role in that also. It did give me a big sense of security.

 

My grandson looks like a Dutch boy. He inherited his mother's blond looks and my father's body build, but he got his brown eyes from his father. It makes for an interesting combination. My grandmother would have been peeved because brown eyes don't run in the family and my grandson is an exception.

 

And what I really like about him, is that he likes animals and that he is very kind and compassionate  with them. I think that is the sign of a good soul.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank goodness for small favors.

The orthopedic surgeon told me that I have not torn my meniscus again, even though it does feel like that. He says that when I tried to get up with Tyke in my arms, I jammed my kneecap into my thighbone and that caused some damage. I already wondered why I had such a painful spot on the other side of my knee.

 

It will take some time for it to heal. In the meantime, I am not supposed to kneel down or climb stairs, nor do any heavy lifting or any heavy bike riding. That means not going up any inclines, but I had already planned on that. If it feels better, I can wear the elastic brace, and it does feel better because I already tried it.

 

I was very much relieved that I did not have to have another operation and could have kissed both his cheeks. I shook his hand instead and I sincerely hope that this will be the end of this story.

 

Because I had to wait such a long time for my appointment with the rheumatologist, I made an appointment with one at another hospital not too far from here. It is for the 20th of September and that makes the difference of more than one month. This hospital has a good reputation and the specialists are at least as good as the ones at the university hospital. I am sure that I will be in good hands.

 

I have been wearing dresses exclusively and it is funny how you go through periods when you prefer one type of clothing more than the others. I have all kinds in my closet and dresser and can change my mind about what to wear whenever I want. That is because I had to get a new wardrobe after I had lost all that weight.

 

I thoroughly enjoy wearing dresses now and before that it was skinny jeans. I do have to say that wearing the dresses makes me feel very feminine, although I never do look butch. I look around me and see lots of other women wearing dresses too and think what a nice thing that is and that we have the weather to thank for that. But I plan on wearing them way into the colder season too and then layered with other pieces of clothing.

 

I have put some weight on and look better than that skinny thing that I was. I can sit on my rear end without it hurting.  

 

 

Preconceived ideas.

I first made a pot of coffee that was two thirds decaf, but I sat here drinking a cup as if it had no effect on me whatsoever, in other words, in a zombified state. I knew I had to take another measure and made a pot of regular coffee, and now I am a bit more alert and capable of sensible thought.

 

Sometimes you have to boycott your own system to get through a rough spot. You can always go back to it when the sailing is smoother. No doubt that will be in the morning after I have had a decent night's sleep and I do have to say, despite what I may have claimed before, that regular coffee tastes better than decaf.

 

I got the letter with the appointment for the rheumatologist in the mail today and it isn't until the 24th of October. I think that's an awful long time to wait, but since I'm not a dire emergency, I suppose it doesn't matter. I can take care of my bum knee in the meantime. I have an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon in the morning and can't wait to hear what he will have to tell me. I assume he will send me for another MRI scan and that I will have to go throigh the same procedure again.

 

The lotion that I have for the psoriasis on my head is helping a lot because I apply it faithfully, although I have a few stubborn spots that won't budge. I have to be careful and try not to apply the lotion too often because it is a cortisone one, but if I don't use it for a day, the psoriasis comes back immediately. I also apply an ointment on and behind my ears and those spots have cleared up completely. I am no longer constantly scratching them.

 

I have very swollen fingers, but at least they don't hurt right now and that is a blessing. I used to think that was an allergic reaction and always tried to figure out what I had eaten that I was allergic to. It was quite a puzzle. I know better now and don't worry my head about it anymore. It usually happens during the night and in the early morning, so it is a predictable thing. Now that I have some idea of what I am dealing with, I better understand the symptoms. There are no more stabs in the dark.

 

If you don't know what you are dealing with, you should not try to diagnose yourself, because you may be way off the mark. But it is good to be well informed once you do have a clue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The garden of the imagination.

Yesterday afternoon, my sister and I went to a sculpture exhibit in a small village not to far from where she lives. It was on the grounds of a beautifully restored farmhouse in the garden and fields around it. There were the works of about 12 sculptors and I have to say that most of it was wonderful and we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. There was work in stone and bronze and wood and ceramic and almost all of it was way out of our price range, but we pretended it wasn't.

 

The desire to see and experience beautiful things prompted me to look up future events in the area for the next few months. I went to the website of the tourist board and looked up what they had to offer and discovered quite a few interesting things and filled them in on the proper dates in my agenda. Most of them are for free and some cost just a small amount of money. The ones that are for free have my preference, of course.

 

Next weekend. there are concerts in the park and I will go to that alone, because my sister will be helping my nephew move to the city he will attend university in. I don't mind going by myself and, as a matter of fact, will probably enjoy the music more when I am not distracted by the presence of another person. I remember going to this event before with my sister and we did nothing but walk around and chat and ended up having drinks at an outdoor café.

 

I have been using paracetamol and a high dose of ibuprofen nonstop for a while and yesterday evening, I decided to stop using them to see where exactly all these aches and pains are again. I want to try and go without for a while and see exactly how bad it gets so I can let the rheumatologist know this when I go to see him/her. The fingers to my right hand are swelling up as I sit here and are starting to look like sausages. My knee is feeling quite sore also. Slowly but surely, everything is starting to hurt again.

 

Pain is not a good companion and highly distracting, keeping your mind off the job that you're trying to do. I mist end this monologue now and return to my bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

What kind of Saturday is that?

After initially starting off well meaning, I have this afternoon decided that today is my lazy day and I am completely ignoring the big stack of dishes that remains undone on the kitchen counter. I consider that a very daring thing to do since this makes the kitchen look very messy and very hard to go into and use. It is only a little kitchen after all. I have, in a way, arranged things a bit neatly and made a half hearted attempt to make it look like I cared  a little, but I would not want anyone to come over and inspect it right now. I would get minus points for housewifery.

 

Well, it was never my intention to set out and be a really great one of them, but as a rule I do like things a bit more organized. I simply don't care that much today and want to save my energy for only pleasant things. I did do the groceries this morning on my granny bike armed with multiple shopping bags. It was the first time in a long time that I rode my granny bike and I have to tell you: that is the perfect bike for me. I like how the handlebar curves inward and allows me to sit very upright and helps me keep the weight off my elbows and wrists.

 

At the grocery store, I tried to shop smart, but I spent more money that I had intended and I tried not to look too shocked when I saw the grand total at the check out stand. Some of the things that I got will last a while, so they are an investment, but it hurt nevertheless. It probably wasn't necessary to get two bags of basmati rice, but I can tell you that I will be eating rice in the near future for quite a while.

 

I made Mexican rice for lunch, although I had intended to fix it for dinner. I was so hungry that I did not want to wait. After having eaten pasta for a week and feeling very bloated after every meal, I have to say that I do not have this problem with rice and it is very possible that I am going to turn into a rice eater. You can turn any dish imaginable into a rice dish. All you need is the right spices to jazz it up. It does make me wonder about the sandwiches that I eat and I think I again have to stop eating bread, even though it's such a convenient way to eat a meal. It's apparent that gluten does not agree with me.

 

I thought cooking rice was a difficult thing to do, but it turned out to be quite easy. All you need to do is boil two cups of water and add one cup of rice and let it simmer until the water is gone. I think I would like to get a rice cooker and maybe I will ask for it for my birthday. If I am not mistaken, I have just enough room for it in the cabinet where the pots and pans are. When you have a little kitchen, you have to imaginatively stack things to eek out all the space possible.

 

There was a sale on the expensive kind of lemonade starter, so I bought two bottles of it. It tastes very good and I can't get enough of it. I will be making ice cubes non stop.