By the skin of my teeth

Oh boy, I thought I did not have enough coffee left to make even one cup and was much discouraged but I scraped the bottom out of the two glass jars and managed to make enough for what I think is three cups actually. I am now drinking the first one and am starting to feel much better and like a well functioning human being again. Am I lucky or what? Where there is cafeine, there is hope. 

This means that I will have to go to the supermarket first thing in the morning with my shopping list and not forget to buy two packages of coffee. I was supposed to have gone yesterday but felt discouraged by the cold weather. I do not think I will make that mistake again. I do not like to live that dangerously. Life without cafeine is not an undertaking I am willing to take on. 

Being in a good mood is always my aim in life and I see no reason not to be. I so dislike being grumpy that it upsets me and I will take whatever measure to stop being it. Knowing that it usually means fixing a cup of coffee sure puts my mind at ease. 

Today is one fo those Fridays again that I enjoy so much. It is a prelude to the weekend and I usually have enough things to do to make it an interesting day. It isn't one of those days that endlessly drags on and is just non-descript and in the middle of the week with hardly any purpose at all. 

I really must not say that because I do get things done in the middle of the week. And they do have a purpose. At the end of the week all things seem brighter and more lighthearted, though. As if they are a breeze to do and easily accomplished. I know that is all in my perception but it is a reflection of my reality. 

I have got my psychiatrist's blessings to go ahead with the hypno-therapy and he wishes me much success and wants to be kept up to date on the outcome. That is the kind of positive feedback I want to hear. It is kind of thrilling when people are rooting for you like all of you have been and I thank you for that very much. 

It can also be done the right way.

Food wise, I did very well yesterday and ate nothing but fruit and vegetables. My stomach is ever so much happier as a result and I am able to drink coffee without a problem. I am ever so grateful for that and am glad that I am seeing the results so quickly. 

I will go food shopping this morning and buy nothing but sensible and, for me, healthy foods. I am already looking forward to that.and I can not wait to buy the vegetables to make big pans of soup with. I am excited to see what is available right now. 

I had my first appointment with the hypno-therapist in the afternoon. I had looked on the map to see where his office was located and I thought it was pretty easy to find and that I would have no problem getting there. After I rode my bike over to where I thought I had to be, the street was non-existent and I was baffled. I rode around for about ten minutes and had to ask four people directions before I ended up in the right place and it was somewhere completely different than where I thought it was supposed to be. 

The first session went well although I was a bit nervous about it. I had to give him my reasons for smoking and  my reasons to quit and talk about my motivation to. We also delved a bit into my background which is never all that pleasant. He taught me an exercise with which I instantly relaxed the muscles in my shoulders and that I can do at home this week. We talked about my bipolarity and the effect quiting smoking can have on that. I will have to inform my psychiatrist that I am quiting. 

Next week Thursday is my official quiting day. I will not be allowed to smoke anymore from the moment I go to bed the night before and come to the appointment in the morning bringing whatever tobacco and cigarettes I have left. I will forfeit them right there and then some therapeutic exercises will take place and the actual hypno-therapy session. Afterwards, I should be an ex-smoker. I do actually have faith in that. 

Try this at home if you please.

The first cup of coffee that I had after I got up did not agree with me at all and I had to hang over the toilet for a bit. I think it is because I ate fish for dinner last night and that did not sit well in my stomach at all. I had already aniticipated that but it was an experiment to see if I was right about that or not. In an unpleasant way I found out once again that I have to stick to fruits and vegetables.

I drank a tall glass of Crystal Clear water and that settled my stomach down again and I was able to drink a cup of coffee after that which is good because I did need the cafeine and I feel ever so much more cheerful now. That certainly is my preferred state of mind and I really do not want to find myself in any other one. Temporary grumpiness is only tolerated for a very short time. 

The package that I had neglected to stay home for finally arrived yesterday afternoon but I was not curous enough to open it immediately and put it down on my bed to open later. I had forgotten what was in it and was not expecting all that much from it. When I finally got around to looking at what was inside of it, I found the most adorable top and I put it on right away with a pair of jeggings to match. It turns out that I do have good taste after all. 

I now have my wardrobe complete although I could use another pair of boots but they are expensive and I can not afford them. I have found out that I like boots with a bit of a heel and that these are very comfortable to wear besides adding a few inches to my height. I do like being even taller than I am and the next pair of boots will have higher heels also. I wish I could buy them quickly but I will have to be patient. It is a virtue after all.

I made a big pan of soup yesterday with the vegetables I had left in the refrigerator. There were enough of them left to make it interesting and filling and I had two bowls of it as soon as it was ready. I started a list on the white board of new vegetables I will have to buy to make more pans of soup that will be even tastier. Needless to say, the soup agrees with me very well. 

The Exfactor was here in the afternoon and I gave him the cumin seed cheese as well as several cuts of pork that I had and that I will not be eating. He was happy with them although at one time he was a vegetarian. I do not know what happened to that noble idea. I think the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. I think he has an indestructable stomach and a very fast metabolism. 

Today I am seeing the hypno-therapist for an intake meeting. I am not in the least nervous and full of good cheer. I have high hopes that this is going to work and already picture myself as a non-smoker. It is a big enough wish of me that I want to see it come true and I am financially very motivated.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I am aiming for the top.

Black coffee also does it.

After sleeping for about four hours, I am up again and after a grunpy start am starting to feel a bit better. I did have to drink two cups of black coffee to get into this better frame of mind. For a while there I thought I was going to stay grumpy and never think a friendly thought again. It was a little premature of me to think it and I am doing much better now. I actually see the glass half full and can be my optimistic self again. That is my most natural way of being and I would hate to go through life any other way.

The reason that I am drinking black coffee is that I ran out of creamer and I think I am not going to buy any again. Although it made the coffee taste very nice, I do think that it really does not agree with my stomach so it is better if I do not use it. I again have come to the conclusion that it is better that I do not use dairy products. This is after also trying yoghurt and cheese. You can not say that I did not give it an honest try. 

I had to cancel my appointment with the dietician because I found out that he was not covered by my health insurance. Next year he will be in my insurance package again and I will go see him then.. That will give me ample time to figure out how I react to a dairy free diet that does include meat. I am not at all sure about the meat yet and it is only an experiment to eat it. I will try it for a while and if it also turns out to be a problem, I will eliminate it from my diet. 

I think it is time that I start making vegatable soups again because that is when I really did well health wise. I will have to go to the Turkish vegetable and fruit man and stock up on produce. It really is the most sensible thing to do and a very good way to get my vitanins in and eat healthy and without a care. I think I got off track somewhere along the line and I have to try and get back on it. I really do know enough about nutrition to make the right choices and at this point I am not making them. 

It is very pleasant to be up in the middle of the night and to get my head straightened out about these things. It is when I do my clearest reasoning. I could not come up with these straight answers during the day because I am too distracted by ordinary living then.  During the day is when I have to think about such mundane things as doing the dishes and the laundry and walking Tyke. I do not get a chance to examine my thoughts and motivations and excuses too deeply. 

Speaking of laundry, I do have a big enough load that I need to hang up to dry on the clothing rack in the bathroom. I was very virtuous yesterday and changed the bed and slept nicely between clean sheets. There is no greater pleasure but. I do have to buy a new duvet cover and pillow case and I will do so when I have saved enough money after I have quit smoking. I want to buy the good quality kind at my favorite department store. It will be a treat that I will not deny myself. And just think of the pleasure it will be to get into bed then. 

I have to go beack to bed because I need to sleep some more if I am going to function well in the morning. The sun also rises. I have nothing on my agenda and I will in a way have the day off. I am sure I will find ways to amuse myself and not be bored.

When you feel in the groove.

I just had a little power nap in my chair behind the computer because even though I thought I was awake enough, I was clearly not and had to shut my eyes for a couple of minutes. That sure did help and now I feel like a million bucks. especially because I am also having a cup of coffee with creamer in it to make it go down smoothly. What more could I wish for? I am having one of those perfect moments. 

I sure am happy that today is Monday again being subconsciously fed up with Sunday all along. I did enjoy watching the highlights of the football honor's division and that was probably the most fun I had all day. Oh yes, I did enjoy fixing dinner and subsequently eating it and sharing it with Tyke. I had made just enough food for the two of us so that there were no left overs and there was no temptation to eat too much. 

I went to the supermarket in the afternoon after I checked my bank account balance and found out I was still solvent. I bought some interesting and not too expensive cuts of meat and had one of those for dinner. Since I have the braising pan, I have been able to fix the meats right and turn them out tender. That does make all the difference in the world when your stomach has a tendency to protest.

Tyke discovered the recycle bag with empty plastic bottles and has been taking them out one by one all day. The most important thing has been to take the caps off them and then to crush them and subsequently tear the labels off. This means he shreds them and they got scattered around the whole living room. I have let him do this because it was such an enjoyable way for him to pass the time. It was like he discovered a new hobby. I did try to clean up the mess as he went along. 

Gandhi pretends she is oblivious of Tyke's activities and walks around the mess as if it is not there, It has absolutely nothing to do with her. She probably thinks he is a silly dog for making such a big deal out of it. She aims for the kitchen and her kibbles and that is her main concern. 

I have bought a delicious bottle of "home squeezed" juice that was on sale. It has the juice of several exotic fruits in it plus the pulp. I bought it as a treat for myself and am looking forward to drinking it straight from the bottle without pouring it into a glass first. I want to be perfectly decadent because it is a glass bottle. Normally this juice is too expensive to buy for me but I am always tempted. It is too bad that foods that are good for you are also the ones that cost the most. 

I have to go back to bed for a while. I have to sleep another forty winks. No doubt I will be more than ready to go when I get up again.

That certainly is nice.

Today I started taking dairy based creamer in my coffee again and that certainly has been a lovely experience. I had forgotten what a really good cup of coffee tasted like with it in it. I like it so much better than drinking it black and I feel that I have deprived myself of something very excellent all this time.

I started using the creamer at the café where Lucienne and I sat down to have a break from our shopping experience in the busy downtown area. There was a crowd but we had been smart and had gotten there a bit early before the real hord of people showed up.

We managed to get what I think was the last table available and gratefully sank down in the chairs with our packages and ordered coffees. It was nice to sit down and watch the crowd walk by and see the other customers put away enormous amounts of lunch for which we were not in the mood.

I had done all my Christmas shopping that I had left to do at one department store and had not paid attention to any of the prices when I picked out the items that I wanted so the final total had come as a bit of a shock and I was recuperating from that. My purchases did include the braising pan that I had planned to buy and it was exactly the one that I wanted.

It does seem that everything has gotten much more expensive and that there are no more good deals to be had, not even at my favorite department store. The quality is excellent but you do pay for it. There is no such thing as a bargain anymore. Peter will be mightily robbed to pay Paul these coming few weeks.

I do have to keep in mind that I will be quiting smoking and that I will be saving a lot of money in the very near future. That does give me hope for my financial picture.

I had bought more wrapping paper and had lots of fun wrapping up the presents in this for everyone. I can see where space is going to be at a premium in my suitcase and I will have to pack carefully. The wrapping paper is very delicate and a hole is easily punched it it. I had not bargained for that. I do wish they would not sell that kind and you can not tell ahead of time of it is.

I had a lovely dinner on my own that I shared only sparingly with Tyke feeling that I wanted the goodness of it mostly for myself. I do get a bit selfish like that but Tyke does not get a shortage of good food. Gandhi was nowhere around and I could not share the best morsels with her. Not that I minded eating those myself.

Sunday should be a lovely day on which I have nothing pressing planned. I did a load of laundry today and if it is dry by tomorrow, I will wash the sheets on my bed and put new ones on. It is supposed to be rainy and windy and I think this is the weather they have already had in England that will now be coming our way. We do not welcome it with open arms.