Withdrawing...

I have had some very tough days and I don't know if they are over yet. I am sitting here now in the peacefulness of the early morning with a cup of coffee and things seem to be bettter but it can be a temporary situation and the storm may pick up again any moment. I will take advantage of this quiet time and put down my thoughts.

Since I quit the anti-psychotics completely I have had withdrawal symptoms that have been most unpleasant. What I felt more than anything was wave after wave of stress and anxiety which made me wish very often that I was taking something stronger than the Valerian tablets to help me relax.

The stress and anxiety aren't triggered by any outside events because I keep everything very free of triggers. It is a process that takes place inside of me. On top of that, I've not been sleeping well and I'm sure that's not helping the situation.

I can't say anything about life without anti-psychotics because this is not a reflection of it. This is just some odd chemical reaction in my brain I am going through. 

I do use my willpower and strength of mind to not lose the plot completely. I am not completely at the mercy of this process that's taking place. I feel that if I stay as calm and collected as possible, I can see it through. A sheer amount of stubborness does come into play also.

I will let you know what happens next.