The overcast sky.

All day long the sky has been overcast and huge gray clouds have been traveling through it making it look like it was continually going to rain but never really doing so. We were promised some sunshine at the end of the day but I haven't seen any yet and I have been waiting very patiently. I've worn my winter coat today because it was blustery outside and too uncomfortable for just my short leather jacket. And do I have to remind you that I do like to be warm at all times? 

Last week, over the course of three days, I decreased my anti-psychotic medication untill I was taking none. I decided to do it very quickly because in the past I had tried to do it gradually and never succeeded and always had to go back to the original dose. 

The first few days I was without, I was a little bit on edge, but now I feel fine and am not bothered one bit. I did inform my psychiatrist and I have an appointment with him tomorrow. 

The reasons I wanted to get off the anti-psychotics is because they always made me feel drugged and dull and I very much disliked feeling that way. I had been on them non-stop for 18 years and I was aware of the fact that they influenced my functioning very much. I thought it was about time that I found out what I was like without them and after making all these recent discoveries about myself, I was more than willing to try. 

I didn't want to tell anyone until after the fact in case there would be any doomsday thinkers that would warn me off. I wanted to find out for myself what would happen. 

I think they are out of my system now and I no longer feel drugged or dull. I'm much more alert and active. It does mean that I get a little bored more easily and I have to try harder to find ways to occupy myself. Some things that I used to do no longer interest me. Other things are more appealing. Over the course of time I will have to find satisfying things to do to keep myself busy. 

I have less interest in drinking coffee and that's because all this time I had been using the caffeine to keep me alert. It was a way to fight the sedative effect of the anti-psychotics. That's not necessary anymore now and one cup of coffee every once in a while is more than enough. I only make enough coffee for one cup at the time.

That's a total of three mediactions I have managed to quit in the last two months.

I'm happy.

Ciao,
Irene