I wasn't quite ready for it yet...

I went to bed late in the evening after watching a thriller thinking I was ready to go to sleep, but when I was lying there, sleep didn't come no matter how hard I tried, so I got up again and made myself some coffee. I did what I usually do in the middle of the night only now I did it a little bit earlier. The fact that I didn't sleep yet doesn't bother me. I will stay up for a while and amuse myself until I'm ready to call it quits for the night and go to bed again. Sooner or later I will get the sleep I need. I've got no place to go in the morning and I can sleep late providing the dog will let me. 

The coffee tastes very good and is turning me into my usual cheerful self. I'm lucky that caffeine does have that effect on me and that I can count on it. It provides me with many happy moments. You could say that it's the drug of my choice. It and nicotine are the crutches that I stand on. I do want to quit the nicotine soon though. It's a bad habit that I can ill afford. I think about quiting quite often and try to determine when would be a good moment. I want to succeed and am trying to figure out how to best achieve that. It's a resolution for the very near future. I'm coming around to it. I've even thought of accupuncture and reading that book by Allen Carr that helps you quit. 

I'm sitting here very cozily in my bathrobe and the heater isn't even on. Outside it has stopped storming and all is quiet for a change. I hope this is the end of the foul weather. It did really hit us today. Luckily, there was no snow, just hail and lots of rain.  I'm more than comfortable now though, and oh, so warm. I should always be dressed in my bathrobe because I would never be cold. 

I think the thriller that was on tonight was called 'Trial and Retribution.' It was very good and kept me up and mesmerized. I liked the people who had the lead roles as they weren't the usual glamour types. They were unknown to me, but that doesn't mean much. I'm not up on all British actors. They were very believable and the plot was good. It was the usual well done British thriller. The BBC does have the budget to turn out good ones as opposed to Dutch program makers who don't. It does make a difference. 

I'm drinking cold milk now in preparation to getting ready to go to bed. It's waking up the orchestra that's in my stomach and producing quite some sounds. It's a good thing that I'm sitting here all by myself. It would be embarrassing to do this in company. It will settle down soon enough after I have had the last little bit and it has passed my gastric band. It always protests loudly before it does. Milk must be enough like a solid food to behave this way. 

I've told you all I have to say for now. I suppose it's time for me to go back to bed. I'm not really sleepy, but I'll try anyway. I can't think of another thing to do. The dog and the cat are sound asleep. I'll take the lead from them. 

I hope you're all having a good night.

Ciao,

Nora

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Getting my two cents worth in...

I feel a great sense of liberation and I don't know eaxactly why that is. I've had the feeling since yesterday evening when I had a sense of lightness fall over me and suddenly everything became very uncomplicated. It's just a shift of mood inside myself and doesn't have much to do with reality because nothing has shifted there. There's not suddenly been a change in my circumstances and nothing has been altered. It's my own attitude that's changed. 

I do welcome this and will not complain about it. I'd be a fool to. I very much enjoy this lighthearted, uncomplicated feeling. My heart really does feel light and fluttery. As if there are butterflies caught in it. And there is freedom in my mind. I'm not bogged down by negative thoughts and dark notions. The sun may not be shining outside, but it's bright inside my head, even now in the darkness of the night. I must have done something especially right and the planets must be ligned up correctly.. I can't explain it any other way. 

It may have something to do with the size 10 skinny jeans that I ordered and that arrived yesterday and that fit me perfectly. My other skinny jeans had gotten too big on me and were sliding down my hips and were too big around my butt. I took the chance and assumed that size 10 would be the size that would fit me next and I was right. They fit like a glove and I'm much pleased. 

On top of that, my sister had a cardigan that she bought that was just a bit too big on her, but that fit me well and that matches my jeans really well also, so I've got a totally new outfit. I like nothing better than new clothes, especially unexpected ones, so I was a happy camper. The cardigan is dark blue which is a color I don't often buy, but which matches me well and makes my blue eyes look bluer. What more could I want?

I redid my nails after three of them had gotten chipped again and I figured they were so vulnerable because I applied two layers. So when I reapplied the nail polish, I only put on one layer and assume it will stay on better. It will be easier to fix anyway if they do get chipped. It doesn't nearly take as much work to apply and dries quickly. 

I also think my nails are getting stronger and that may be because of the calcium tablets I've been taking every day. It would be wonderful if they worked and kept my nials from splitting. I do have to get a decent nail file as that is something I don't have in my possession. That shows you my shortcomings in the femininity department. I never before saw the sense of one because I always cut my nails short. Now, of course, I want longer nails to show off the polish.

Silver hairs are starting to show up all over my head and sparkle at me when I stand in the bathroom in front of the mirror. They twinkle at me like bright little stars. I don't mind one bit because it makes my blond hair look lighter. I'm not vain enough to want to cover them up with hair color. Maybe if I were a brunette I would care more. I'm sure it's more of a shock to your system then. I do apply make up to my very light eyebrows and eyelashes. That gives my face just a little more expression. 

Lest you think I'm totally self centered, I have to tell you that I possibly am. I think the world does revolve around me. At least on this blog I do. It's not like that in real life, of course. I do play second fiddle on most occasions. I'm not anybody of real importance and really don't count in the larger scheme of things. That's why it's so nice to be the center of attention here. I can't tell you all the times when I'm not. 

Today is going to be a very relaxed day. Outside it's going to storm and be a wet and cold day. I'm not planning on going anywhere except to walk the dog. I'll be inside most of the day where it will be warm. 

And now I'm going back to bed to finish sleeping, hopefully until late in the morning. 

Have a nice day you all. 

Ciao,

Nora

How to spend the night...

The one thing you do is to not spend all of it sleeping. That's a complete waste of time. You may think that sleeping is a useful activity, but I tend to disagree with that if it's in the middle of the night. I can't think of a better way to spend that time than to spend it being awake and up and about. That. of course, is just my own personal vision and you may disagree. 

Maybe you get a good night's sleep and you have no complicated dreams and you feel very refreshed in the morning when you wake up. That's not my own experience and I'm always glad that I wake up after I've been asleep for a few hours so that I can get up and spend some time behind the computer with a few cups of coffee and my cigarettes. It's when I'm most alert and in charge of all of my faculties. 

But I tell you no new stories when I tell you that. It's a well known fact by now that this is what I do. I also can't force myself to write the kind of drivel that I write here during the night in the daytime. I'm not in the proper frame of mind then.  During the day, I would be too embarrassed to write some of the things down that I write here during the night. I think I bare my soul better at night or after I just wake up from a nap.. 

That maybe sounds contradictory, but for me is not to reason why. I'll accept both my statements as given facts. I'd hate to have to explain everything I state here. If I'm unclear than that's just so. It can't be helped. 

Last night I was in a terribly grumpy mood that only disappeared slowly. I didn't analyze it too much, but in the back of my mind I had some clues as to the origins of it. I ended up eating some dinner and watching some TV before I went to bed and found my solace under the warm duvet. 

I think you subconsciously run into frustrations all the time in your contacts with the people you care about and sometimes it's better to take a little breather from everybody and spend some time on your own.

Quality time with yourself and other people is still what it all revolves around. It's not about quantity. A little bit goes a long way. You've got to appreciate the little bits and not repeat them too often. Repetition leads to irritation and takes away from the specialness of the occasion. You fall into a rut.

I'm afraid I'm preaching. I do have a tendency to do that sometimes. It's when I'm trying to convince myself most. 

It's time to go back to bed. I've been philosophical enough, although I've really put the brakes on my thoughts. I've censored myself quite a bit. 

Sleep tight everyone. 

Ciao,

Nora

Sleep may be overrated.

I ought to be going back to bed now, but I'll attempt to write a post. I'll see if I have it in me. I've stopped drinking coffee some time ago, so I may not be alert enough for it. I may not quite have the thinking capacities to pull it off. I'll start on this post and see where it leads me. I may have to delete it somewhere down the line, but you will not be any wiser for it. 

I've sat here for quite a long time already. The nighttime hours have been slowly ticking away and it is almost morning. Well, optimistically speaking it is. If it were summertime, it would be getting light soon. Unfortunately it is not, so I can let that whole idea fly out the window. It is almost time to take my medicines and I'm drinking my second glass of ice cold milk. It isn't making me burp too bad for a change. Miracles never cease. 

When I get up again in the morning, I'm very leisurely going to drink a cup of coffee before I walk the dog. He can do his first piddle out back. Then all I have to do is hang up a load of clean laundry and that is a fun chore. But first I plan to sleep late or as long as the dog will let me. He usually isn´t too impatient in the morning and knows I need a little bit of time. We´ve become adjusted to each other´s schedules. 

It´s with some amount of satisfaction that I look forward to the day because it will be very laid back. I will see my sister this afternoon, but for the most part my time will be filled with leisurely activities. Getiing dressed well and applying my make up properly will be some of them. I´m really going to take my time getting them right. I will spend some quality time with myself. I will also annoint my skin with delicious smelling cremes. 

Which reminds me that I´m in dire need of a good perfume. I haven´t had one for a long time and in the recent past have had to do with some inferior ones. I hope the Glossy Box brings a solution in the form of samples. That´s what I´m really looking forward to. Well, amongst other things.

I´ve got to go to bed. I´m also in dire need of sleep. I´ve got to get the rest of it before the day really starts. I´m yawning already. 

Have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

The soul wants something too...

I'm drinking a cup of coffee and am slowly becoming coherent, although that makes it sound as if I was maybe comatose when I got up and I wasn't. I was actually quite perky, but for writing a blog post I have to be on my toes. That's what I think anyway because I want to be engaging, although I usually find that incredibly difficult. I think when it comes to sounding fascinating, I usually fall flat on my face. I take myself much too seriously for that. 

This will be my effort to see and address the lighter side of things, although I don't know if I will pull it off. It's tough to become suddenly lighthearted when you are always so very literally and stick to the serious side of the subject. Sometimes I try to write with irony, but I don't think that comes across at all. It falls flat on its face also. I have a tendency to forget to see the humorous side of things, although I don't lack a sense of humor. I'm big on slapstick and farce. 

Already I'm bogged down in seriously analyzing my tendency to see the seious side of things and that while I said I wouldn't. You see, it's in the nature of the beast. I must immediately cease and desist and enter the lighthearted zone.

Yesterday evening I ordered a new cardigan on line that will go with a few dresses that I have that I would otherwise not get to wear. I suddenly remembered their existence and realized that what I needed was something warm and fashionable to wear over them in a complimentary color. This cardigan is made of fine wool and is knee length and open in the front so it shows the dresses. It's a creamy vanilla color which matches some of the color in the dresses.

I got it on sale for hardly any money at all and I counted my good luck. It must be that time of year for them to be priced low. It might also have been a matter of good timing and I just started looking at the right moment when this particular one was on sale. It will be delivered in the morning and I will see if I made a good choice. I assume I did. It will match my boots also. With any luck, I will look like a picture of fashion. 

And, it's like my mother always said: if you run fast, nobody motices the difference. 

I went on the bathroom scale, although it was not the right time to weigh myself, and saw that I only had two kilos to lose. That will be even less in the morning because it always is. Losing that little weight is not much of a problem. It's  4.4 lbs. That does give me lots of hope. 

I reapplied my nail polish to those nails that needed it last night. Some of them had become chipped already. I didn't want to have to redo all of them so I did the ones that were in bad shape. When I get the chance, I will sit down and do all of them over again. I must try a better nail polish. Something that really stays on for a long time and that doesn't chip no matter what you do with it. There must be some like it. I don't believe the industry hasn't come up with it yet. Or they must not be willing to sell it for fear of falling sales. 

Maybe there will be some nail polish in my Glossy Box and I hope for a good lipstick also. The ones I have don't stay on very well. At least not when I drink a beverage, but that may be the problem with all of them. Maybe you're not supposed to drink anything with lipstick on. Yesterday I forgot to put any on and every tiome I thought of it, it was the wrong moment. It does get discouraging if you have to keep reapplying it. You see your lipstick dwindling as you use it. 

I do like this business of being female and already look forward to the morning when I can mess around with my make up again. The face wash I use is very good for my skin and leaves it relatively soft. It does a good job of getting my make up off. Applying my mascara is a job and a half because I don't have the eyelashes I used to have and it takes a bit of effort to make them look full. I also poke myself in the eye. The night creme I was using is making my eyes water so I've stopped using it. I'll have to use the baby lotion again.

Maybe there will be a good creme in the Glossy Box. I do have high expectations of it, don't I? Since I will be getting one once a month, I'm bound to run into something good sooner or later. All I have to do is be patient and I'm good at that. I'll use what I already have in the meantime. 

There's nothing special on the program today. There will be a few chores to do and cultural TV to watch so I will get my fill of that. I do need to have my intellect stomulated. My soul can't be barren. It does seem like I concern myself with only my make up and my clothes right now, but they are just the things that bring me comfort. The rest of me also needs to get fed. 

I hope you'll all have a great weekend. I'm going in search of my bed again. I have some hours to sleep until morning. First I've got to drink a glass of ice cold milk to make me burp. I have to have some sound effects. 

Ciao,

Nora

Back in business...

I had to do without my computer for more than twenty four hours while Ubuntu was removed from it and Windows XP was reinstalled. This was an operation I could not do myself, believe me, I tried. Having to do without my computer for that amount of time didn't cause me too many withdrawal symptoms, because instead of getting up in the middle of the night to blog, I slept instead. This was a novel experience and caused me to have many weird dreams which I don't necessarily want to have again. I like my broken up nights better.

Tonight I woke up just as I was trying to make Beef Wellington from a book by a famous author whose recipe was not clear. You know I would have run into all sorts of frustrations if I had tried. It would have been a tough dream getting all the ingredients right, so I was glad that I woke up. I had enough sense to make coffee and have a cup and now I'm completely coherent and happy for the experience. I like this so much better than sleeping through the night. I really do my best thinking in the middle of the night. I still don't know why that is, but I'll just accept it as a given. 

Remember how I told you that I had started to wear make  up again? Well, I'm getting positive feedback on that so I'm on the right track. People also compliment me on my hair, though all I've done is comb it differently.  You see how little changes can make such a big difference. I'm glad for the positive feedback because it makes me want to try extra hard to make the effort. I know it's worth it to spend the extra fifteen minutes or so in front of the mirror in the morning. Well, it's actually not that long, but just by way of speaking. I do take my time applying my make up and taking care of my skin. Not necessarily in that order. 

I'm also paying extra attention to my clothes and trying to put together different outfits that I haven't worn before. That's a bit of a challenge but a lot of fun. I take immense pleasure in looking inside my closet and coming up with new combinations. I want for them to be flattering as well as warm enough and I usually succeed. I do have a few stand by's that are favorite pieces of clothing that I can always count on. They are basic parts of my wardrobe. 

I've been wearing necklaces to decorate myself with because the earrings have not been a big success. They do irritate my ears and I'm going to have to get some gold studs that I can always wear without the danger of getting an allergic reaction. There must be some nickel after all in the earrings that I do have. I saw some silver ones that I liked and that were affordable, but they are no option. They've got to be gold. Maybe those will be a treat to myself at Christmas. A woman's got to be good to herself, after all. I'll have to see what I can do. 

It's Friday again and the week has gone by very quickly, but then it usually does when I have a few appointments like I did this week. It doesn't take much to keep me busy. Just a few out of the ordinary things will do. If I have at least one event a day, I'm happy. Seeing my therapist this week was very good because she reaffirms my believe in myself and makes me feel very normal. You can't ask for more than that. The same goes for my personal helper, though she has a tendency to want to nurture me too much. I do have to prevent that from happening.

The dog's fur is growing in again and he is starting to look more like himself and more like the stuffed animal that he always used to looks like. It's very cute and makes you want to cuddle him all the time. It's much better than that scanty trimmed look that he had. Even the cat seems to like him better this way and constantly goes up to him to rub heads with him and press her body against him. He very generously lets her. 

It's time for me to go back to bed and get the rest of my sleep. I hate to go and could sit here for a while longer, but I do have to be sensible. Sometimes I have to be anyway. If only for limited periods of time. Tomorrow morning the Exfactor will no doubt wakep me up bright and early when he comes to do the groceries. 

Ciao,

Nora