Back in business...

I had to do without my computer for more than twenty four hours while Ubuntu was removed from it and Windows XP was reinstalled. This was an operation I could not do myself, believe me, I tried. Having to do without my computer for that amount of time didn't cause me too many withdrawal symptoms, because instead of getting up in the middle of the night to blog, I slept instead. This was a novel experience and caused me to have many weird dreams which I don't necessarily want to have again. I like my broken up nights better.

Tonight I woke up just as I was trying to make Beef Wellington from a book by a famous author whose recipe was not clear. You know I would have run into all sorts of frustrations if I had tried. It would have been a tough dream getting all the ingredients right, so I was glad that I woke up. I had enough sense to make coffee and have a cup and now I'm completely coherent and happy for the experience. I like this so much better than sleeping through the night. I really do my best thinking in the middle of the night. I still don't know why that is, but I'll just accept it as a given. 

Remember how I told you that I had started to wear make  up again? Well, I'm getting positive feedback on that so I'm on the right track. People also compliment me on my hair, though all I've done is comb it differently.  You see how little changes can make such a big difference. I'm glad for the positive feedback because it makes me want to try extra hard to make the effort. I know it's worth it to spend the extra fifteen minutes or so in front of the mirror in the morning. Well, it's actually not that long, but just by way of speaking. I do take my time applying my make up and taking care of my skin. Not necessarily in that order. 

I'm also paying extra attention to my clothes and trying to put together different outfits that I haven't worn before. That's a bit of a challenge but a lot of fun. I take immense pleasure in looking inside my closet and coming up with new combinations. I want for them to be flattering as well as warm enough and I usually succeed. I do have a few stand by's that are favorite pieces of clothing that I can always count on. They are basic parts of my wardrobe. 

I've been wearing necklaces to decorate myself with because the earrings have not been a big success. They do irritate my ears and I'm going to have to get some gold studs that I can always wear without the danger of getting an allergic reaction. There must be some nickel after all in the earrings that I do have. I saw some silver ones that I liked and that were affordable, but they are no option. They've got to be gold. Maybe those will be a treat to myself at Christmas. A woman's got to be good to herself, after all. I'll have to see what I can do. 

It's Friday again and the week has gone by very quickly, but then it usually does when I have a few appointments like I did this week. It doesn't take much to keep me busy. Just a few out of the ordinary things will do. If I have at least one event a day, I'm happy. Seeing my therapist this week was very good because she reaffirms my believe in myself and makes me feel very normal. You can't ask for more than that. The same goes for my personal helper, though she has a tendency to want to nurture me too much. I do have to prevent that from happening.

The dog's fur is growing in again and he is starting to look more like himself and more like the stuffed animal that he always used to looks like. It's very cute and makes you want to cuddle him all the time. It's much better than that scanty trimmed look that he had. Even the cat seems to like him better this way and constantly goes up to him to rub heads with him and press her body against him. He very generously lets her. 

It's time for me to go back to bed and get the rest of my sleep. I hate to go and could sit here for a while longer, but I do have to be sensible. Sometimes I have to be anyway. If only for limited periods of time. Tomorrow morning the Exfactor will no doubt wakep me up bright and early when he comes to do the groceries. 

Ciao,

Nora

Can't make up my mind...

I was already in bed but found it impossible to go to sleep. I got up again and now I'm drinking coffee because I didn't know what else to do. It's such a ritual that I automatically made a pot. I normally sleep first though, but I don't mind, every new experience is one to be savored.

It's not quite coherently that I sit here. I'm under the influence of my sleeping pill and I'm waiting for the effect of it to wear off. I don't quite like the way it's making me feel. I'm hoping the coffee will do the trick, but it's making me burp something awful. The sound effects are out of this world.

Sooner or later I'll end up going to bed. I will get tired enough in the end and get the sleep I need. I've already set the alarm clock for 7 am. That's when I'm planning on being up again. I have some things to do and the day is going to start early. I'm getting up an hour earlier so I can drink my coffee contemplatively. 

I lightly decorated myself with make up today and was pleased with the effect. I didn't overdo it, so it was not too much of a shock to my system after having had a bare face all this time. The most fun was trying out the lipsticks to see which one would last the longest. I kept having to reapply them after having had something to drink.

Luckily, I still had a face wash to remove the make up with when I got ready to go to bed. I used that with a warm wet washcloth. I applied a night creme afterwards and now have a soft skin. I'm actually starting to care again and making a fuss over myself. They're good deeds I do for myself. My skin deserves it. Wearing make up makes me pay more attention to my face and its care.

It's good to be a woman and indulge in taking care of yourself and paying attention to the little things. They are all small ways to pamper yourself and give yourself the tokens of affection that you need. They are things that nobody else is going to do for you. They're little rituals that you perform for yourself and can be very nurturing and restful. If you end up looking especially nice, then that's a bonus. It's icing on the cake. 

I'm already making my resolution for the next year and that is that I'm going to take good care of my appearance and I don't mean my clothes because those are alright. My whole self image is going to change and improve and that includes my hair and the perfume I will wear. I'm going to give myself an overhaul and it will be a long term project. I will give myself a whole year to achieve it. I do have the patience for that.

I will go to bed now. I do need to get some sleep before it's morning. I have sat here and dawdled quite a bit and I've gotten sidetracked a few times. I have to take good care of myself because if I don't, who else will? 

Ciao,

Nora

Cheerfulness at midnight...

I'm in a cheerful mood as I sit here in the middle of the night with my cup of coffee warmly ensconced in my bathrobe. That's good news because I went to bed last night in a not so good mood and with a headache for which I took a paracetamol. I dreaded the thought that my mood was going to go downhill and decided that sleep was the best solution for it. I was right and now I feel much better. I have sparks of hope all over the place. The world is my oyster again. 

So, it's with some amount of cheer that I sit here and write this post. I can take my time doing it too because it doesn't matter what time I go to bed. Tomorrow I have no appointments in the morning and I can be as lazy as I want to be, bar the fact that the dog will have to be walked at one point. I do so like being in charge of my own day, at least the mornings when I can get started at my own speed and not have to rush. 

I did something kind for myself yesterday and signed up with Glossy Box.nl. I will start receiving a pretty box once a month filled with five beauty products especially selected for me and every box will have a different content. These include skin and hair products and perfumes. I think it will be fun to await the arrival of each box. It will be like Santa Claus comes to the house once a month.

My first Glossy Box will get here in January and I will write a review about it in a post so you will know what sort of things I received. Frankly, I can't wait. I'm curious enough to want to try different products and it's being surprised that appeals to me so. I will be like a kid in a candy store. That's the kindness I will allow myself once a month. I do need something fun to look forward to. The regime can't be all stark and rigid. 

Glossy Boxes are available in other countries so you can check for them where you live. 

To tell you the truth, I like anything that makes me pay attention to the fact that I'm female and allows me to fuss over myself because I have a tendency to neglect that area of my life. Oh, I do pay attention to how I dress, but I don't mess around with beauty products enough and my skin and hair could use some taking care of. I don't nearly spend enough time on them. I have dry skin that could use some help and my hair is fly away and could use some volume. Hopefully there will be some things in those boxes that will help.

I find you always have to make your life interesting. If it doesn't come from the outside, you have to make it happen yourself in the most imaginable ways. I'm already thinking that there should be a glossy box for under garments and I wonder if such a thing exists. I would sign up for it immediately. Just think of all the cute and sexy things you could get. That is for those of us who fit in our bras properly. 

I am going to check and see if there are more ways to make my life interesting that don't cost an arm and a leg. I am on a budget, after all. The thing is, to make your life as pleasurable as possible because things are dire enough nowadays as they are. The way the economy is turning just makes you want to bury your head in the sand and that's no solution. You have to be able to try and afford something special and you can't wait for someone else to do it for you. 

You have to be your own best friend. That's the one thing I learned about living on my own. That's not to sit around and wait for someone else to make my happiness for me because it will never happen. It's mostly in my own hands. Unless you specifically ask someone for something, nobody will be able to read your mind and know what it is you desire. People don't spend their time wondering what your needs are. That's not how the world works. You have to take care of that yourself. 

Well, after so much armchair wisdom, I guess I'll bring an end to this post. I'm not nearly ready to go to bed and will have to find a way to amuse myself for a while. I will drink some cold milk to get myself in another frame of mind. It will give my stomach something to do too. There's always some entertainment in the middle of the night. 

Ciao,

Nora

Monday morning and ready to go...

It's early in the morning and I suppose you could say that I've had enough sleep. I sort of slept through the night in my own peculiar way. It wasn't quite as perfect as I would have liked it to be, but it came close. I'm more than wide awake now anyway and I've had my first cup of coffee. No doubt that helped me get in this cheerful state. 

It's Monday and I'm ready to start the week. I've had a fairly decent weekend, but I'm glad it's over. I'm always more than ready for the weekend to start, but I'm also always more than ready for Monday to come around. I guess that's not half bad because it means I look forward to both and enjoy the weekend as well as the weekdays. That's been different in the past when I preferred one over the other. 

I had an unexpected outing yesterday when I went to Ikea with my sister and her friend. It was fun to walk around there, but I didn't have much time to dawdle as they were there for a specific reason. We went through the store rather quicker than I would have liked. Still, I got to hang out in the kitchen department for a while and pick out a few things that I needed. 

After we had paid for our purchases, I had a milkshake and it was delicious. I had not had a milkshake in I don't know how many years and suddenly I craved one. I didn't know how my stomach was going to react to it, but it turned out not to be a problem at all. Now I've got milkshakes on my mind and would love to have another one. It's a good thing that this is not possible because I would gain much weight consuming them. 

The weather was atrocious. There was rain and a cold wind and I said to my sister, "Why did our ancestors have to settle in this country anyway?" She took me quite literally and started to explain why. This was when we were exposed to the elements on the upper deck of the parking garage. Not the best timing for it, of course. 

My sister bickers with her friend quite a bit and tries to impose her will on him a lot. Unless he keeps accepting this, I don't see how their relationship is going to have a long and healthy life. It gets on my nerves a lot and I find it hard to be around. I don't think I will be making outings with them like that again.  If I do, I'm going to have to say something about it. I may do that anyway.

I mustn't let that spoil my mood. I'm just finishing my second cup of coffee and I'm about to have a glass of mild orange juice. That will be a real thirst quencher. I have to take my medicines and get dressed and get this place cleaned up. I've got just a few chores to do. 

I've just started yawning and now I'm worried that I'm still sleepy. I don't want to go back to bed because I've got too much to do before the first person shows up. I'll probably end up making more coffee and try to last that way. It's one way to get through the morning. 

I hope you'll all have a good day.

Ciao,

Nora

But I was only having a craving, officer...

If I could, I would hurry quickly to the nearest open store and buy me a liter of vanilla ice cream and consume it all at once. That's how bad my craving for it is right now. It would have to be real vanilla ice cream, though, and not the imitation stuff they sell nowadays. I would want the ice cream that was sold in my childhood and that was creamy and very good tasting. That's what I really crave. 

If I really can be honest, I'd have to say that I crave a big banana split, but I probably could not finish it, so I'd have to make it a tasty strawberry sundae instead with lots of whipped cream on top. If I'm going to fantasize, I'm going to do it right. I can see myself eating it in my mind's eye and I'm enjoying it a lot. Instead, I will have a tall glass of ice cold milk and that will have to do to take care of my wishful thinking. 

It usually works. The coldness is enough to fool my taste buds into thinking that they've had something delicious and the milk keeps my stomach occupied with its loud rumbles and burps. It's also a question of mind over matter and not giving into silly foolishness and wishful thinking. You can't have everything your heart desires and cravings do disappear again. 

There's also such a thing as regret when you've inhaled a liter of ice cream in one sitting. Ice cream melts so smoothly in your mouth and it goes down easily. Too easily. That's why you can eat so much of it all at once. 

Enough on that subject. I've indulged in it more than is necessary. I've given it more than enough of my precious attention. It shouldn't get that much valuable space. It just goes to show you what a feeble human being I can be, but how smart it is of me not to have certain foods in the house at all. It's best never to put anything on the shopping list that I will hopelessly indulge in and feel shamefully guilty about afterwards. 

But I'm having cold milk now and it is already taking care of whatever I thought I so desperately needed. In a little while I will have forgotten all about that. It's also putting my head in a different gear which is pleasant. I think the coffee had me just a little bit too excited. The milk is a nice change of pace and it's calming me down. You wouldn't think that about such an innocent beverage, but it really does. And it's an innocent reaction, after all. 

So the caffeine is good for making me alert, but the milk is good for making me mellow. And now I've got to think what to do with that mellowness. I think I will be up for a while. It's early in the night still and I have more than enough time to go back to bed. It is Sunday, so it isn't important how quickly I get started in the morning.

I hope you're all having a good night. 

Ciao,

Nora

At the danger of writing another dull post...

I'm a person who does learn her lessons the hard way and after writing a very dull post yesterday, I put myself in danger of writing another by trying to improve on it tonight. There are, of course, no guarantees and it is possible that I will hopelessly fail in my mission. That will be a double whammy then and I will never live it down. But I've got to take the chance because I can't live with the thought of failure. 

I'm working on my second cup of coffee and it is giving me, you could say, Dutch courage, although there is no alcohol in it. I'm not so foolish as to try that because, although it would loosen me up tremendously, it would also make me drunk and I certainly don't feel like being it. By all rights I should have a couple of beers, but I don't happen to have any and that's probably for the best. I don't like the after effects. 

I woke up with my T-shirt drenched in sweat and stood outside by the back door on the patio in order to cool off. The cold night air quickly did that while the dog went about his business. I could have stayed out there a while longer and really have gotten chilled to the point that I would have needed my bathrobe, but I'm still sitting here without it now. I'm radiating warmth and it's not cold in the apartment either. I must be having post menopausal hot flashes. 

The best thing to do now is have a glass of ice cold milk because it will not only freeze my frontal lobes, but also cool down my body. It's guaranteed to work. The coffee has straightened out my mind sufficiently and I can think clearly. It's nice to mess with my head and muddle it up with the coldness of the milk. It never ceases to effect me and give me a different experience. 

I wore two different outfits yesterday because I was not satisfied with what I was wearing initially. I delved into my closet and found something completely different, although I don't know why I bother because hardly anyone sees me. I must be practicing for a very active social life. The second outfit was put together of old and new elements and pleased me very much. I could have gone out on a date if I had wanted to, but I looked good enough to make myself happy. 

I'm waiting for my hair to grow back in so I can go to the hairdresser. I think I cut my bangs a little bit too short. I will have to wait a couple of weeks for them to catch up with the rest of my hair. It's very easy hair that I've got now and I hardly have to do anything to it when I get up. Isn't that what every woman wants? I just look a little bit too much like a hedgehog and I didn't want to look quite that cute. I do want to be taken seriously. I am, after all, a grown woman.

I can't go on the bathroom scale and trust the result it gives me. It is much too high and then tells me that it's an error, which I totally agree with. I think the battery is low and will have to be replaced. It's one of those complicated scales that wants to tell you everything including your date of birth when all I want to know is my weight. 

I don't know that right now, so I can only go by how my clothes fit me to know how well I'm doing. My skinniest jeans are a little big. I wash them regularly to shrink them, but as I wear them, they slide down my hips again. I do have hope, but I don't want all my clothes to get too big on me because I like them well enough and I don't have the money to replace them. I must make do with what I have. Does that seem like an odd sort of reasoning? 

I'm sufficiently cooled off now and have put on my bathrobe. I stood out by the back door again because the dog imagined that he had to go out again. I don't think he actually did anything there. I'm having another glass of cold milk because the first one tasted so good. The night can last a long time for all I care. It's very cozy here by the light of the desk lamp.

I will have to go to bed shortly because I do need more sleep, but I can sleep late in the morning. It's Saturday, after all. It's not going to be a warm day and I may not have the proper outfit for the cold, but I'll be tough and withstand it anyway. I do have to be a tough Northern European. At least I'm not in Scandinavia where it's snowing. 

I don't now if I've achieved my goal and managed not to write a dull post, but there you have it. It is a long one anyway. I've thoroughly enjoyed writing it. There has to be some satisfaction in that also. 

Ciao,

Nora